Bud Light drinkers are also 48% more likely than the average person to play the lottery every day and 34% more likely to never buy organic products.
Like all fish that are kept as pets, goldfish do not like to be petted.
— Thank you, wikipedia, as I never would have known that.
Goldfish
I’m going to skip right to the heart of what I want to say about this city: if you’ve never lived in a major city before, you’ll probably like San Francisco. However, if you’re coming from another notable city, you may be disappointed. Hopefully, that’s pretty uncontroversial.
Listening to your customers these days is like teenage sex: everyone says they’re doing it, but nobody’s doing it well.
For years, I have made the joke about Richard Reid: “Just be glad that he wasn’t the underwear bomber.” Now, sadly, we have an example of one.
Steal a helicopter. Dress like ninjas.
I could have stood in line at the airport cabstand for fifteen minutes like every other mook in the world, freezing my balls off, but such is not the way of the twenty-dollar millionaire. I walked straight to the front of the line and offered a woman twenty bucks for her spot. She took it with a shrug. Behind her, people crackled. “Hey! Ho!” they shouted. I knew exactly what that meant. It wasn’t good. I needed to get in a cab soon. One of the guys flagging cabs pointed me to the back of the line. That’s when I grabbed him by the elbow, pulled him close, and shook his hand, passing the next twenty. I was now down forty dollars for a twenty-dollar cab ride. He tilted his head and nodded to his partner. I peeled another twenty and they let me climb in. As we pulled away, someone in the line threw a half-empty cup of coffee against my window.
